Is It Worth It?

APRIL 27, 2016

This is such a heavy question. Is it worth it? Is all this stuff we see about living for God worth it? People on Facebook talking about money, and living life. People on Instagram talk about money and living life to the fullest.  People at the church looking like they have it all together with nice cars, nice clothes, etc. is it truly worth it? So ya’ll know when it comes to this blog I’m going to be as real and transparent as I possibly can. With that being said, no, sometimes it does not feel worth it. Sometimes following God seems like the wrong thing and definitely the unpopular thing. Sometimes it seems like God has left the building. Sometimes following God will have you feeling a little anxious. You may be thinking ok God, so I have done this, so when you gonna come through? Where you at? I see you over here blessing Susie, when are you gonna bless me? Ok God, I’m tired of being lonely, I done stopped fornicating, so when you gonna bless me with a husband? So is waiting on God truly worth it?

Let me share what I have been through in this past month I’ve been away from the blog. I only write a blog when I believe the Holy Spirit is directing me to do so. So let me tell ya’ll how the devil works! Every time the thought of writing this blog pops into my head, ya girl goes through the worst of test and trials! This past month has been a battle for me mentally and physically. You may be saying, God test us physically? Isn’t that kind of harsh? That’s the same thing I was thinking, until the Holy Spirit revealed something else to me.

This past month I reached my 7 month pregnancy mark. So far during this pregnancy I’ve pretty much been sleeping alone, waking up alone, going to bed alone, and doing things on my own. I am in constant pain. My doctor says I have a weak pelvic bone and scar tissue from a previous surgery I had. The pain is so bad that I cried in the doctors office because it doesn’t go away. This month I’ve been feeling like no one truly understands. So it makes me feel even more alone. People are just like push through it, you’re almost there. So I  start feeling like I’m getting on people nerves, so I start drifting away, which is not good. I do have the best support system a girl could ask for, between  my family and my bestfriends, Im supported with this pregnancy emotionally, mentally and physically. The father of my child is in my life. However, as you all know from previous blogs we are no longer together. So with that being said, being pregnant and single is for sure a cross to bear! I don’t care what anyone says, this season is not a peaches and cream season.

Although I have the best support system, this past month I have been going through some serious growing pains. Let me first start off by saying that I love my friends and my sister dearly. I am extremely supportive and happy for every single endeavor and for their families. However, I envy them at times. Not in a malicious way. But here I am 24 and pregnant and single at that. My best friend just got married and had a baby with the love of her life. They have been together for many years. I love them like a sister and a brother, so please do not take this out of context! However, this is my truth. Watching my friend marry the love of her life was the best moment ever, but it was also a bittersweet moment. It was bittersweet because now she has her own family. I can’t just call her up and ask her to come over or do such and such because she has a baby and a husband. That reality hit me on her wedding day. Then my other best friend is married with 2 kids. She has a full-blown family. She has a husband and cannot always be available. My sister has a boyfriend. She visits him and sometimes I’m home alone on the weekends.

This reality really set home with me this month. I felt so alone because it seemed like my friends just were not available when I needed them, or sometimes I feel like they cannot understand, or I do not want to worry them so I just keep it inside. I don’t want to take a moment of happiness away from them so I keep this inside. As I have been watching from afar all of the great moments happening in their lives, I started to feel like ok God when are you going to bless me? When are you going to start showering down on me like you are doing on them? At this point, I still didn’t have a car and had a job but had to ask people for rides, which is the hardest thing to do. I was still sleeping on an air mattress on top of a box spring!  I was just feeling so behind and just blah. Like I was beginning to get over everything and wanted to give up. I started to feel forgotten about . I was wondering why God was so distant from me. He gave me the idea to write this blog but that was about it. While He was blessing my friends with all of these awesome things.

So what’s the point to all of this? Someone may be saying, well Melissa you didn’t have to be single. You chose to be single. And that is absolutely correct. Even though I didn’t understand all of the way, I did walk away from my relationship. But during this past month, God started tearing off another layer to the Melissa masterpiece. And this is where the New Single is truly getting to the heart of what it actually means to be apart of the “New Single.” Since I was feeling this blah kind of way, I started drifting spiritually away. Now let me be clear, I would never turn my back on God again. Never. When I say slip away, I mean how when you stop talking to someone for a few days because you had an attitude. Oh yeah! I had a big attitude with God lol.

I started doubting. I started getting anxious. I was getting sexually frustrated. My body is in constant pain from being pregnant. I was tired of being broke and not having a car. I started questioning whether or not I should have kept my pregnancy.  But God! Yall but God! As soon as I started feeling this way, I realized the devil was after me. But I was getting weary so I was entertaining him a bit.  I just felt like everyone was leaving me out. I had to sit down from praise and worship, I can’t travel, the music label I was signed to was also just falling apart, everything felt just wrong and off. But the crazy thing was that during the mist of this dry spell, God started blessing me. I received $3000, in which I was able to buy myself a car. Yes! I was able to pay off some bills. Yes! I could eat food that I wanted and not just food that was in the house. I was feeling really great. I was smiling and just on a high! I was thinking wow God really did hear my prayers. He really hasn’t forgotten about me. But even after all of this, I started realizing how much stuff I had to pay for. Money money money! Then I started thinking, wait a minute. God how are you blessing me with all of these great things but you are taking the money away faster than I can say MONEY?!

So the question, is it worth it? has a whole different value and meaning now. In this month, God showed me that He can bless me financially. He provided me with a bed, which I took for granted when I had one.  He gave me a car literally out of nowhere. My friend randomly hit me up and was like I know this guy who is selling a car. I was like bet! Thank you Jesus! The car is in perfect condition! I finally had a money flow, from my job and money in my pocket. But then the window randomly fell down, because the window motor died. Then I had hit a pole knocking my door frame out of wack. You talk about going through it?! I was really about to just say forget this God. I cannot deal!  But then, I realized that I had some deeper issues going on. I was trying to pimp God and didn’t even realize it! I was basing my faith in God, based on what material and monetary things He can do for me, because that’s all I kept thinking would solve my problems. If I could just have my own car and money, then I don’t need any man! Me and my baby will be good! This was my mindset. So He gave me the money. But just as quickly that He gave me the money, it was gone. Now it was still just me, my bed, and my baby girl lying there alone. Is all this even worth it Melissa?

Yes! Living for God is worth it! Every single minute is worth it! Here is why. I just explained to you, how when God blessed me with this money, I was geeked. For a moment, I was happy. For a moment. But I still was not satisfied. I was not satisfied because God’s love for me is so much greater and deeper than money. He can always give me money. But He was showing me that my strength, my happiness, my joy, my peace, and my sanity comes from Him. My contentment with what I have comes from Him. Even with my new car and new money, I still was single. I still was single and pregnant. I still had no husband. I still was sleeping alone. I still was in physical pain. So I had to shift my focus. God told me that if I would just truly surrender and let go of everything, that He was going to have my back. In those words. He told me Melissa you always thinking you can do things on your own. You always self comparing and thinking money is going to solve your issues. The devil is attacking you with this pregnancy pain, because he doesn’t want you to see how much of a blessing this child is going to be for you. When he tried to take you out by suicide and depression, and your previous surgery, he knows this baby is what you needed to show how much worth there is in living life! He knows this child is birthing a ministry in you that will bring thousands of women souls to Christ!  Well how do you feel now? You still feel a void? I am your void. Do not stop seeking me. Continue to seek me, even when it gets hard. Continue to seek me even when you are sexually frustrated. Continue to seek me even when you feel like it’s just you in the room. Im there as well.

I said wow God. Im so sorry! I’m so sorry for not seeing how distorted my faith was. I’m sorry doubting you. I’m sorry for sexually displeasing you again (Masturbation is a form of fornication. It is lust of oneself and lust for others).Do not do it! I’m so sorry! Is it worth it? Yes! Please do not throw in the towel. Please don’t give up and just run back to that boyfriend because you’re lonely. Please just don’t just jump at opportunities because they come your way. Please do not start doubting your decision regarding this pregnancy and this baby. Surrender everything. I mean everything. Your hopes and dreams. Literally treat everyday as a canvas. Ask the Lord what does He want you to paint and learn today. Pray and seek Him daily. I struggle with this everyday. Dying to myself daily and truly surrendering my worries is my biggest struggle. When I start getting frustrated, I back off from reading and praying. But don’t let the devil win! Remember just as much as we are chasing God, the devil is chasing us. Don’t give in to his attacks. We can get through this season and we will my sisters!

So is it worth it? It has to be worth it. How else can you truly obtain happiness and peace and joy. Sure I do not have a husband yet, but I am assured that if God knows the desires of my heart, why would He not give them to me? God knows my dreams and my business plans. There is not need to feel behind or compare myself to my friends accomplishments. God is working on me. This month proves that clearly I still have things to work on before God can release all He has in store for me. I’m simply not ready. So I hear you God. I got the message! LoL but don’t take too long! LoL So my sister in Christ, my new single diva, my fellow single and pregger mamas, please continue to seek God. Use His word as your comfort. Get in that word! Get on your face and truly bear everything to God! Cry if you have to! Shout and scream if you have to! Take control of your thought life and focus on the positives and promises that God has told us. He does not forsake us. Focus on truly becoming a better you. As long as you have an intimacy with Christ, He is going to do more than you can ever ask for! I love you guys so much! Please feel free to email me at: thenewsinglewomangmail.com. I am always  here to talk, to pray with you or just to listen!

I hope these scriptures will bless you as much as they have blessed me. Scriptures to meditate on :

Proverbs 16:9 We can make our plans, but the Lord determine our steps.

Proverbs 16:6 Unfailing love and faithfulness make atonement for sin. By fearing the Lord, people avoid evil.

Psalms 91: 1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Dueteronomy 7:9 Understand, therefore, that the Lord your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.

James 1: 12 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

John 14: 21 Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them.

Colossians 2:6-7 And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grown down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Proverbs 16:20 Those who listen to instruction will prosper, those who trust the Lord will be joyful.

Proverbs 16: 8 Better to have little, with godliness, than to be rich and dishonest.